Mark Bind's Blog

 IF YOU ARE CONFUSED OR DISTRESSED ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY OR YOUR KINKY AND STRANGE INTERESTS READ THIS.

Do you feel guilty that you have desires to be tied up or to tie up someone else?

Do you feel distressed that you are attracted to the same sex?

I am not a therapist, but I have been around the block a few  times and I can tell you why you feel guilty and why you feel distressed about your sexuality. You feel guilty or distressed about your sexuality because you were raised in a society that does not generally accept those who are minorities when it comes to sexual interests.

How do you remove the feeling of distress and guilt about your sexuality? First you have to do the research on the internet to find out that you are normal. Do not look at what priests or the main stream Christian right say. You need to research the science. The science says that homosexuality is normal. Being kinky and interested in bondage and other safe kinks is also normal as long as you are keeping your life in balance and engaging in it with adults who also agree to do it.

Different religious and social groups have varied moral codes. These are their codes of conduct. As long as you are not hurting anyone and abiding by the law, you are not bound by the moral codes of various groups. If your moral code that you have chosen to live with says that homosexuality or engaging in bondage is wrong or sinful, then you will feel guilt and shame for being who you are. In psychology they call that, "Being in a bind".

So then you need to make a choice. You can go ahead and feel the guilt and unhappiness that the social group that you are associated with thrusts upon you, or you can choose to do some hard research on that church, organization, or social group that has the moral code that is making you feel guilty. If your hard research on that group shows strong evidence that they are selling you a false man made morality, then you have another choice to make. Do you stay aligned with that group anyway because of tradition and your comfort zone with friends and such, or do you turn away from the false organization to chart a new direction in your life?

If you find out that the society or religion that you are involved with is wrong on the issues of homosexuality or bondage that troubles you, and if you find out that science really does show that you are normal, then your guilt and distress about it will all go away (unless your involvement in your behavior is excessive to the point where it is interfering with other aspects of your life.)

If you stay aligned with the group that has the morality that you no longer agree with, you will have to deal with the clash of ideology between you and that group. This will be a point of stress and distress in your life. You will have to decide if it is worth it for you. If you sever the ties with your former group and ideology, then you will not feel guilt about your sexuality, and you will feel very liberated. But you will still face the prejudice and bias of the main stream majority who are clueless as to anything that they do not experience themselves.

You will need a support group of peers with common interests. If you are gay, you will need to socialize with other gay men. If you are interested in bondage, reach out to others who share the same interests. There are many Churches that are accepting of of homosexuals today. I believe that having a spiritual connection and some kind of religious connection with others is healthy and part of our needs as humans. So don't be too quick to throw out all religion.  

No matter what you decide to do, you will have a tougher life than those who are heterosexual and "vanilla" (not kinky). You are part of a minority. Only ten percent or so of the population is homosexual. Less than half of the population is kinky. People who are prejudice are narrow minded and cruel. They band together and bully those who they do not understand. You will need to be prepared for that.

Along with other friends who are also kinky and homosexual, I welcome you to our fellowship of men and women who have common interests. Remember that you are not alone. Even though we are a minority, there are lots of us. Thousands, and probably millions. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. It may mean getting out of your comfort zone. Put in the work and effort and you will find a happier life. My message to you is to live well, be a good citizen, help other people, volunteer in your community. Show the bullies and bigots out there that you are a good and decent person by your actions. A wise minister recently told me, "Prove them wrong".

There is nothing wrong with being kinky, doing bondage, and alternative life styles. Just as there is nothing wrong with drinking a little wine, or having a beer once and a while, engaging in bondage is also just fine. Hopefully you already know where I am headed with this conversation. Eating food, having some chocolate cake, doing a little bit of gambling at Las Vegas for a day or two in moderation…all of those things are fine. When does it become addictive behavior? It is unhealthy behavior when it interferes with your job, family life, and social life.  If your life is kept in balance, then kink, legally done, is not a problem. Things such as alcohol, gambling, food, sex, and bondage can be addictive if you do not keep it in check. As long as you are balanced and functioning in your relationships and responsibilities, those things are okay. But when they take over your life, you have a big problem.

There are a lot of people out there that, in my opinion, are engaging in addictive behavior dealing with kink and bondage that is not healthy. If you are spending more than a couple hours a day on Recon, Fetlife, Facebook, or watching porn, then you probably are exhibiting unhealthy addictive behavior. If you are staying at home and do not have a job, and are on the computer much of the day searching for bondage pictures and engaging in cyber networking rather than looking for employment, then you have a real problem. If you are engaging in endless pursuits for bondage images and chatting on line about bondage when you should be working, taking care of things around your house, and keeping a balance in your life, then you have a problem. If you are over 25 and still living with your parents, or if you are a dependent of a friend, spouse, or relative and are not working (unless you are disabled or have enough money accumulated to take care of yourself the rest of your life, then you are in deep shit.  You better stop wasting your time before time runs out for you.  Just as too much chocolate cake is not healthy or too much gambling… too much focus on "bondage" and "kink" is also not healthy and is addictive behavior showing a lack of balance in your life. If you are watching too much porn, staying on the computer entertaining yourself for hours on end, then stop it and get your life back into balance.

There are certain things that must take priority in your life.  Getting yourself self supporting and not dependent on others is the first one.  Watching T.V., spending time on the internet reading stories, looking at pictures, and talking to people all over the globe on the social networks will not help you in what needs to be your first priority. If you get the balance right and get your house in order first, then you will be able to focus more on other fun pursuits. Work has to come before play. If you just drift along in life and engage in addictive behavior, then you will eventually find yourself screwed in life. You will only have yourself to blame,( although most losers will blame society or others for thier failures and laziness.) 

If you are complaining that you do not have enough money to get an apartment, car, buy gas, pay for your internet, gas, electric, phone, etc., and at the same time are not spending at least eight hours a day either working making a substantial income, or spending eight hours a day looking for a job that will give you the needed income, or getting the education that will make your skills valuable enough for someone to pay you a substantial income, then you have no right to complain, you are what society calls, "lazy". This is your only life to live. Grab that brass ring and live life. Figure out how to do it on your own. And live life to its fullest. Do not settle for just drifting along in life.  ​ 

Hard core pornography is graphic depictions of sexual acts and full nudity with the intent to arouse. This includes depictions of masturbation, anal, and oral sex. There is a big difference between suggestive content, as is seen all over the media in movies and on television, and hard core pornography. Most religions will tell you that it is to be avoided. What does science say?

It has been documented that exposure to hard core pornography at a young age is harmful. There is no question that it is harmful for children under the age of 18 to view. It is particularly harmful when viewed during the time that the body is changing. For boys this is between the age of 10 and 13. In most cases, pornography gives the child the wrong type of sex education. It can actually affect the way that the child becomes set sexually for life. Nature needs to be allowed to take its proper course. Pornography that depicts violent acts along with the sexual acts can be particularly damaging to the mind of a child. It should be avoided as if it was poison. It can cause mental disorders such as PTSD, and depression.  This doesn’t mean that pornography will always result in a child being damaged mentally. Many children do watch pornography and grow up to be fine. But it is a big risk to view it. It would be much more prudent to wait until the brain has fully developed.

It has been found that the brain is not fully developed until around the age of 25. So could hard core pornography damage the development of the brain for persons between the age of 18 and 25? I don’t know the answer, but research suggests that it may be harmful.

Although much less harmful to adults than to children, there are still some dangers for adult viewers of pornography. Over time, it can cause the person to become conditioned to a point where sex becomes less exciting to them. Because the viewing of pornography can cause stimulation in the mind that is pleasurable, there is a chance that the person might become addicted to that feeling. Many people let pornography be their escape from reality. They use it as a coping device, much as a drug user uses those substances as medication for their depression. If this becomes the primary coping device, it will result in the person repeating that activity over and over again. This is not healthy living.

So, is pornography bad? Well, that depends. If you are underage, it might be harmful to you. If you are an adult, it may, or may not be harmful. Too much eating, gambling, alcohol… or really too much of anything, puts your life out of balance. In my opinion, there are some types of pornography that are absolutely harmful. Certainly child pornography is harmful to everyone involved with it. Pornography that depicts violent acts of rape or other violent acts cannot be healthy to watch. It will numb your senses. On the other hand, some pornography, tastefully done, can be helpful to older adults who suffer from impotence issues.

My conclusion is that pornography is unhealthy for those who are minors, but for adults, it can go either way, depending on the situation. It is something that if you are going to indulge in, should be done on a limited basis. Think of it as just eating one piece of chocolate in the box. Don’t scarf the whole box of candies down in one sitting. Personally, I try to avoid pornography. But you need to decide what is best for your health and well being. 
​ 

 Definition: The process of intimidating or mistreating somebody weaker or in a more vulnerable situation.

I remember the bullies when I was a child. The way that the bullies treated other children was repugnant. Most of the bullies grew up and matured. They realized what despicable people they were as children and changed their ways.

But some did not. Unfortunately, there are many adult bullies out there that will pick on anyone who is different than them or on those who do not hold the same views as them. These people never grew up emotionally. They have no compassion towards others. They only care about their own agendas. Some of these bullies hide behind their religion. They pretend to be righteous and good, yet in reality they are the worst hypocrites.  Bullies usually pick on the minorities: blacks, homosexuals, transgendered, etc. As adults they have learned to cloak their bullying by pretending to have a moral agenda.  They tend to run in packs like wolves looking to attack their prey. These people have no morality. They are the people who will work against freedom.  They are the “Hitlers” of the world. Unfortunately they will not change. They don’t see themselves as bullies. They are too ignorant and self centered to see it.

So how do you deal with a true bully?  My suggestion is to document everything that they do against you or others. Once you have enough documentation, take them to court and sue them. If enough bullies find themselves in discrimination lawsuits, other bullies may be more careful about treating others so poorly. Remember, bullies do not have a true moral compass. The only way to stop a bully is through the legal system.

 Mark Bind's Contract for Voluntary Imprisonment

I do hereby make an agreement that at signing will be binding and in force.  I shall be called “prisoner” in this contract.  I agree that anyone who reads this contract can become my captor and keep me imprisoned. At the moment that I sign this contract, I shall be, and desire to be, under full obligation to fulfill it.  I fully understand that once signed, I shall lose my freedom at any given time and be incarcerated by the terms of this contract.  I shall hold all persons harmless for any claims of false imprisonment.
As a prisoner, I am to submit to any person who captures and imprisons me. 
Any persons who have me captured, have the right to keep me captured. 
Those who capture me may assign another person to enforce the imprisonment of the prisoner.
As the prisoner, I shall have no rights except the right to food and maintaining health.
I agree that I shall be treated as high risk and high security.
I promise that I will attempt to escape and get free.
The captor may heavily restrict the prisoner with any restraints to restrict movement. 
The prisoner will have the right to a safe word when things get too painful or unsafe, but using a safe word will not end my imprisonment.
I agree that just because I ask or beg for release, the captor does not need to release me.
I promise that I will try to manipulate the guard to let me go free.  I agree and understand that my complete loss of freedom shall be strictly enforced by anyone who has captured me.
I fully agree to the terms of this contract. It is my desire to not be released from my imprisonment even should I change my mind later and wish to be free.  Being kept prisoner against my will is my will.

I find it sad that so many people who are into bondage have to keep it in the closet. There is a fear of any one finding out that they are into bondage because they will be considered weird or different. Yet if you look at the statistics for bondage toy sales world wide, it is a multi billion dollar industry. Bondage porn is everywhere. Bondage is portrayed openly in film and television. If bondage is so taboo, then why is it such an enormous industry?

We live in such a strange world where people of faith who claim to be Christian or whatever other God they worship, think that they are the good ones when they are the most prejudice, dishonest, and mean spirited. There is so much hypocrisy in the world it is pathetic.

Why is it that homosexuals have to come out of the closet? Why do they have to go through that painful process of coming out? It is because of the prejudice in society. Heterosexuals don't have to go through the process of coming out. They don't have to worry about their sexual identity. "Hmm, am I straight? Yikes, I better keep this secret. What will others think of me if I let them know that I like the opposite sex? Homosexuals should never have to go through the coming out process. Society needs to accept them as being totally normal as they are.

I am disgusted that even today a movie can get a more mature rating if two men kiss. Really? Every child needs to see people of the same sex kissing just as they do the opposite sex. It will NOT make them gay. It will help those who are to know that it is normal. We are a society living as an advanced civilization when it comes to science and industry, but we are still cave men socially.

Are you prejudice about anything?  You are probably saying "no". But chances are, you are probably prejudice about something. In fact I will go further.  I think that every person is prejudice about something.

Do you know what the definition of "prejudice" is?  It is the unsubstantiated prejudgment of something, some individual, or some group of people.  It is based on not having full knowledge about whatever it is.  I don't think any of us have full knowledge.

Here is the full definition:  "Prejudice is unsubstantiated prejudgment of an individual or group, favorable or unfavorable in character, tending to action in a consonant direction". 

The hostility that prejudice can engender and the discrimination to which it may lead on the part of a dominant population toward an ethnic group, gender, religious or linguistic minority have caused great human suffering throughout history. Some researchers attribute prejudice to deep-rooted "fear of the stranger," while others cite religious or nationalist chauvinism, and fear of economic competition. Most, however, agree that prejudice is learned and can be reduced when members of different communities work together toward the realization of a common goal. 

Prejudice is a hostile opinion about some person or class of persons. Prejudice is socially learned and is usually grounded in misconception, misunderstanding, and inflexible generalizations. The word prejudice is most often used to refer to preconceived judgments toward people or a person because of race/ethnicity, gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, nationality or other personal characteristics. It can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence."

One can be prejudiced against, or have a preconceived notion about someone due to any characteristic they find to be unusual or undesirable. A few commonplace examples of prejudice are those based on someone’s race, gender, nationality, social status, sexual orientation or religious affiliation, and controversies may arise from any given topic.

Like most minority groups, homosexuals and bisexuals are not immune to prejudice or stereotypes from the majority group. They may experience hatred from others because of their sexual preferences; a term for such intense hatred based upon one’s sexual orientation is homophobia. Due to what social psychologists call the vividness effect, a tendency to notice only certain distinctive characteristics, the majority population tends to draw conclusions like gays flaunt their sexuality. Such images may be easily recalled to mind due to their vividness, making it harder appraise the entire situation. The majority population may not only think that homosexuals flaunt their sexuality or are "too gay," but may also erroneously believe that homosexuals are easy to identify and label as being gay or lesbian when compared to others who are not homosexual.

I have seen the ugly head of prejudice with in my own family. I have a former "in-law" who could be the poster girl of prejudice and hypocrisy. I have seen her brag that she and her husband own a shopping center. People get the erroneous idea that she and her husband built up a multi-million dollar commercial real estate company. The truth is that she inherited it from her daddy. In my opinion there is poverty in intelligence as well as education that would make it quite difficult for her to obtain any lucrative income without her daddy providing her with the means. She is an active Mormon. She is so fearful of homosexuals and those people who are into bondage and other orientations, that I was not permitted to see any of her children, (all of which are adults) or to go to her house. I was told about how fearful and protective she is of her family if she even thinks that I am near. She told me that she did not want me to "contaminate" her family. Let me tell you just a little bit about how dangerous I am. I have never been arrested or assaulted anyone. I have never spoken to her children in the past about anything remotely having to do with bondage or homosexuality. I always kept my language and mannerisms respectful and clean around them. I do not have any catching illness. Of course she thinks that I am "very very mentally ill". In her thinking, anyone who is gay or into bondage is doing something evil. They are making "bad choices".  She presents herself as being wise and righteous. After all, she is one of the chosen white people who belong to the only true Church. But underneath there is a snobbishness, desire for power, and orientation to self which is hidden under her plastic facade. I doubt that she will ever educate herself enough to be able to not be prejudice. I remember her telling me that Martin Luther is mentioned in one of the Mormon scriptures. It was quite obvious to me, having read those writings myself many times, that she had never read them. She lives on blind faith, believing in the foolish traditions taught to her. Is there Christian love and kindness to those who she does not understand or are in the same social class as her? In my opinion the answer is no. I only mention her as an example of prejudice that I saw firsthand. 

I find is sad that people get so programmed in their minds by their upbringing or religious indoctrination that they become closed minded and fearful of anything beyond the understanding of their little world. They would never even consider that some of their attitudes and thoughts are in error. They continue to hang on to their superstitions and bigotry. I cannot judge them for their fallacious thinking however, they have been quite brainwashed from an early age. Getting deprogrammed is not easy. So we who are more enlightened need to remember that. We cannot be prejudice back, calling them bad or evil because they are so non-accepting of diversity. We risk doing to them what they do to us. We must take the high road. Slowly, over time most of society will become more tolerant and if we are patient with them and not be "in their face about it". We who are in the minority need to show that we are good people, helping to build a better society. The world is changing, and we can help it change for the better.

"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones." 

- Charlotte Bronte